Where am I going?

Ummm, hello Mother Nature, it's 60 F outside right now and it's January. See anything a little odd? I can't say I'm not enjoying it being warm and not needing a coat after being in the deep freeze for a few days, but this is still odd. Yeah.

The warm weather makes me think of spring. Especially since it's kind of rainy and wet outside. Of course this just confuses my poor body when I look outside at 4:00 in the afternoon and it's DARK. I keep reminding myself that it's still winter, but my nose and my body say, "It's WARM! We need to run outside and play and get ready for SUN!" What a nasty trick to play on us. I'm just waiting for next week when it will probably be -20 F.

Current Mood: confused

Damn it's cold! It's even cold in my office right now! My toes are freezing - I wish we had decent heat! I guess it's time for some nice hot tea. Yum.

Current Mood: cold

It's amazing to me how just having a purring kitty sit on your head while you're taking a nap can make the whole world better.

Current Mood: happy

It's cold here, inside the house as well as outside. Not my favorite thing - I'm not a huge one for being cold inside. It's not bad when I'm outside, I expect that and I love winter, but I hate being cold inside. I have a sweater on, my scarf, two pairs of socks, jeans and I'm FREEZING. Oh well, I'll live, no one dies from being a little chilly.

My practice this morning was very nice. I have to start listening to the recordings a little more because I'm doing really well just playing them but I have to make sure every tiny nuance is taken care of if I want to win this audition. So I'll need to listen to the recordings and start comparing myself to them and make sure I just have everything secure. I'm feeling pretty good about my audition so far though. Later today it will be the solo and then my third practice I usually just play some low stuff that I enjoy - nothing really strenuous just stuff to support my mid and low ranges and that will also help out my endurance.

My journal has become a tribute to my horn lately because of this audition coming up - but I can deal with that. I'm excited to be playing so well and to be still enjoying it after all of this hard work.

Current Mood: cold

I have to keep reminding myself that I'll be on vacation soon. I'll be taking a break from this crap soon. Soon, I will change my career and make a new life for myself. Soon I won't have to deal with the idiocy here and I will be working toward a new goal. Soon.

I still didn't sleep last night. I don't know if it's just mammoth stress that's making me wake up early or what. It could be stress, goodness knows that I'm under a ton of it right now. Luckily most of it should be alleviated soon (there's that word again). These next two days will be very very full, but I'll figure out how to get things done and somehow it will work out, it always does.

I feel kind of like a grinch, but I've never been one for the holidays. I would much rather just show my love and affection for those important to me all year 'round - and I think I do a good job at that. I just feel that the holidays have become so consumeristic that they've lost that special magic that made them wonderful before. Now it's all about what stuff you can buy and if you can find it on sale and what are you spending on each person on your list and will they like what you buy them. I know that not everyone is like that, but I get so tired of seeing all the ads on TV and in the news about buying a car and Santa making cars and buying her jewelry and buying new clothes... the list is endless.

When I was little I always felt that things changed around this time of year, that people would smile more and be a little happier and that they would look out for each other just a little more. It was part of why I always loved winter (well, that and I love the snow). Now, I just see people getting more irritated with each other, patience is stretched so thinly that the littlest slights set off public yelling matches. I see road rage growing to new heights and people glaring at each other as everyone tries to beat out their neighbor in the race for the best and brightest and loudest and most expensive toys.

Gone are the days that I remember with caroling down the street for nothing but the joy of spreading the gift of music. Gone are the days of giving your excess food to those less fortunate and taking a little extra time to help out your neighbor. Most of us (and I'm included in this number) really don't even talk to their neighbors. Perhaps I'm just growing up, but I can't help but wonder, where did the holiday spirit go?

Current Mood: annoyed

I'm so tired!! I haven't slept well lately and it's starting to really take it's toll. I fell alseep yesterday afternoon on the couch while trying to relax before practicing some more and I was still able to fall asleep last night, but I can't stop waking up in the middle of the night!! Of course it doesn't help that I end up with a kitty standing on my stomach once I am awake. Once Clark realizes I'm awake (either I get up or he must hear my breathing change) he comes to the bed and then puts his two tiny front paws on my stomach and LEANS. He will finally curl up beside me but he's fussy about not being pet so he constantly gets up and wanders and stands on me and lays down and gets up... repeat ad nauseum. I hate throwing him off the bed because he's so nervous to begin with, but I'm reaching the end of my rope! Of course once he's on the bed then his sister can't be left out so she comes up and sits on my head and purrs in my ear - which is cute when it's not 3 or 4 in the morning!

Ugh, I just gotta get some sleep tonight and this week - at least vacation is coming up and if I have to I'll just nap throughout the day and then practice when I'm awake.

Current Mood: exhausted

Well, I got my horn taken care of this morning. There's still a few more things to do for it before it's where I'd like it, but it's better now. Hooray! Hopefully this will help me quite a bit - and hopefully I'll get the rest done next month.

Otherwise I'm just tired today. I didn't sleep well last night and I'm just so exhausted. I have to get up early tomorrow as well because of having a doctor's appointment in the evening. I'm just hoping I'll have time to practice at least a little tomorrow with the appointment and all. Whew, I wish I wasn't so beat!

Current Mood: tired

I had heard that we were supposed to get snow this weekend and it's finally started snowing outside! The kitties and I are chilling out in the living room and just resting and relaxing. I just had some lunch so I have to wait an hour or more before I can comfortably practice. We'll see what this afternoon and evening brings.

I'm finding out that my little girl, Addison, doesn't always appreciate my enjoyment of the Animal Planet. She gets upset when the animals scream on the TV and lifts her head up enough to glare at the set. Silly gurl. ^__^

Current Mood: happy

I feel badly that I don't update this more often, but I feel that right now my life is actually kind of boring. I do the same thing each day - go to work and then come home and practice, during my break I make dinner and then practice some more and then we eat and head to bed. It's quite boring. However, I'm making it through and getting things done. This weekend I head out to see the horn guru and have him see what he can do about my B-flat. A lot of geyer wrap horns have similar problems so there's some voodoo magic (his words not mine) that he can try to alleviate the issue. Hopefully it works. I wish I had more words, but nothing's coming out tonight.

Current Mood: tired

So Thanksgiving went well for us. Good food and nice people and it worked out well. Not too much went on this weekend - I had a lesson and now I'm officially starting to get into audition mode. I'll have an audition in February and if I can win that it will be fantastic. If not it's ok, I'll just move onto some other auditions. It's crazy, I have about 1 month to fully learn the music for the audition and then it's a month of repetition and I'm just going to have to disappear for quite a while and immerse myself in this stuff. I am nervous - as is apparent by the fact that I dream about playing my horn each night now - but I know that I'll be fine with either outcome. If I make it I'll celebrate like crazy, and if not I'll move onto the next audition and it will be a great learning experience. Things are getting to crunch time!

Current Mood: artistic

I've been very calm today - it's a nice feeling. Things are going to get hectic in our lives very quickly and so I'm trying to really enjoy this feeling of serenity.

I feel badly that I haven't really gotten to see friends lately because I've been too busy trying to keep all my balls in the air. It's hard trying to keep everything going at once, but it will be worth it in the end. I have to admit that sometimes it's hard to realize that my goals won't be attained for at least a couple of years, but it's just babysteps towards the future. As long as I'm moving forward that's all that matters!

I've noticed that this has become more of a log for my practicing, but I guess that's pretty usual since that's what I do with most of my time. Yesterday was a great day for my horn. I played well (I would still like to polish some things, but it was good) and I felt ok this morning even though I was running late and had to do a quicker warm up.

My back has been bothering me a bit lately, but it's just stress so I know it will go away once things start to get straightened out. I wish I could write about everything going on, but some things need to be kept under wraps for now. Once things are moving in a better direction I can probably start really posting again.

Tonight will be practicing and then almost directly to bed because tomorrow I have to get up EARLY to get to work early so that C and I can attend Caesar tomorrow night. I can't wait!! I love the opera, and I haven't seen this one performed, although in undergrad I performed one of the solos from it. Tomorrow will be a LONG day since the opera is 4 hours, but it will be worth it. I can put up with being a bit tired on Friday if it means I got to see a wonderful opera Thursday. ^__^

Current Mood: calm

Yesterday things got better - I took care of some big things and also got some writing done. Good things. I know I've been vague here lately, but I just don't want to get into the details of everything. I may go friends only sometime soon - only problem is that I know I have some people who read this that don't have livejournal, so I'm still thinking.

This morning's warm-up was great - I sounded good and felt good. Better than yesterday because yesterday (although good for getting things done) I was tired. So tired! I have to start sleeping better. Now I'm back here at work and just finishing things up and getting ready for yet another rotation. Hooray. At least I have more time off this month - that will be fun. Anyway, just a quick note to make sure I'm not dead yet. ^__^

Current Mood: blank

Well, this weekend was busy, but it got better. I'm figuring things out and C and I went over stuff and things are not quite as bleak as they seemed at the end of last week. Tomorrow I have off. Hooray!!! Of course it's already spoken for with work and such, but at least it's work that I enjoy and it's taking care of things that need to be done.

I joined an orchestra this weekend. It's a pretty crappy one, but it's an orchestra and we'll see how it goes. If it's entirely horrible I'll just quit - I'm really just doing it right now to be involved in a group because it looks better for auditioning. These next few months are going to be crucial for me to launch my new career. I'm going to be working hard on material for auditions and looking around for places to play - it's going to be crazy, but hopefully it will lead to a wonderful spot.

I wish I had more to say right now, but I'm really just beat and need some rest.

Current Mood: okay

Ok, life, this is getting ridiculous. You can just stop it now, I know that things can always get worse, but do you have to keep PROVING it!? I really just need this weekend to relax and wind down and let me catch my breath and figure things out - otherwise my head will explode.

No love
me

Current Mood: bitchy

Well, yesterday I took a vacation day because my check engine light was on and I had no brake lights. I figured having no brake lights and driving through rush hour traffic = Bad Thing. So C and I headed on over to my mechanic (I needed an oil change anyway) and had them do the work. Wandered around for about 3 hours and found out that they were able to fix the lights but not the problem that had the check engine light on. So we headed out to the 'burbs to get that looked at and it turns out I need a new catalytic converter. Lovely. Luckily I have the money, but still... come on now. So that's scheduled to be taken care of Monday.

Today I'm at work and just not feeling it. Getting things done, but my brain is kind of disengaged and I'm a bit cranky. It's just not a great day here, everyone seems a bit off and upset. Ah well, that happens. My horn sounded fabulous this morning and I can't wait to get home and play some more so I'm trying to focus on that and really just look forward to sitting in my music room and playing. It's amazing to me that even when I have a really crappy day, if I can get my brain settled enough to play a bit I almost always feel 1000 times better. Music really does soothe the savage beast (at least mine). ^__^

Current Mood: weird

I'm at work early today because there are dinner reservations tonight at a fabulous restaurant, but to make the reservations I had to get up awfully early. I'm sure it will be worth it though.

So, my lesson Saturday was great - especially considering that I had not been able to practice quite as much as I normally would like to because I was so sick for so long. I'm very happy with that and it's really encouraging. Plus my teacher said that I should just start auditioning in the smaller orchestras and see what I get. So I'm going to have to head out onto the intrawebs and figure out what ones have some openings (even if it's just for a sublist) and then start making some auditions. I have to get my resume in line and send it out to those that do invitation only and then I have to make a spreadsheet of orchestras and their audition repertoire so that I can start making sure I know those pieces. Ah!!! Lots to do! Sometimes I feel like my time just gets shorter and shorter, but I'm moving in the right direction. I can't believe I'm starting to audition now (well, in the next month or so, I have to work up the pieces first). Still, it's kind of crazy to realize that I may be shifting my life sooner than expected. All I can do is keep working and hope that I can make this happen.

Yesterday I had to work overtime (well, didn't have to, but the money always helps in getting things done so I chose to) so yesterday ended up being a really draining day. I worked 5 hours and then headed home and warmed up, took a walk with C, and then practiced again (yay me!). I was asleep by 7:30. >_< Oh well, at least it meant I got sleep for getting up early today. Anyway, things are going here, sometimes faster than others, but going. I just hope I can make this transition, it's going to be crazy for a while and then hopefully I'll move into a much better situation and get to play my music!

Current Mood: hopeful

It's Friday!! I can't wait for today to be over, but at least it looks like it's going to be a pretty easy day. Yesterday I headed to the Dr. and got great news from her! I switched doctors just now and so this was my first appointment with her and I was really only discussing ideas with her and I have to say I'm very impressed! She's knowledgeable and willing to talk to me as an intelligent person and it's great. I'm so much happier with a doctor who will discuss things with me and not just give me their own opinion, how refreshing!

My horn has been strong this week. I'm feeling better and sounding better and I'm just excited about it. I know that auditions are still months away, but I also know that the time will go by far too quickly and I need to start gearing up for them. It's going to be a crazy year in 2008, but it's going to be good.

Current Mood: chipper

Well, I'm still alive. Doing all right, the bug of death is getting better - the antibiotics are working ok, but they're now making me nauseous. Ah well, the price for health. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow so things will work out in the end.

Work is work. But on that front things are being figured out as well - I don't want to say too much since things are still up in the air, but we're figuring it out.

My horn is still pretty strong, even after my illness. I was quite impressed this morning with my warm-up and I'm happy about that. I'm really just working hard on that and trying to make sure I get my practicing in. It's hard, it's really like working two jobs and I put in 14 hour days when I'm doing it, but the end result will be worth it.

So I'm still alive, still here, still working things out. Hope everyone else is doing the same. ^__^

Current Mood: hopeful

So I thought I was getting a cold. Yesterday when I called work they said I might need a doctor's release to bring with me so I headed on over to the walk-in clinic thinking the entire time that it was silly to head to the doctor for a stupid cold. Well, I don't have a cold. I have severe sinusitis and bronchitis and now I'm on an antibiotic and other meds. Crazy. I'm not allowed to go to work until tomorrow and I feel like utter shit. I know I'll feel better once the drugs start kicking in, but until then I feel horrible. They also gave me Vicodin-Tuss for my cough and I'm not sure what I think of it. It definitely gets rid of the cough,but I don't understand why people like taking these opiates because I hate the feeling of being wonky all the time. They make me itch and every now and then my stomach just revolts and I puke. Anyway, just an update that I'm alive, I'm just really sick. I don't remember the last time that I was this sick. The doctor said that the infection could have been lying around for a while and making me feel run-down and then with the insomnia I had that probably gave it just enough of an opening to really take hold and now I'm really sick. At least I should be getting better - anything will be better than feeling like this!

Current Mood: sick

Well, my insomnia finally caught up to me and I think I'm getting a cold. Hopefully it won't really set in and I'll be fine, but for the past few days I've been sleeping or feeling crappy. Ick.

At least I got to attend the symphony last night. They played Mahler's 6th and Wagner's Siegfried Idyll. That was fabulous, I was a little tired throughout it, but it was still fabulous.

Today is going to be relaxing and drinking tea and trying to get better so that work tomorrow doesn't just entirely destroy me.

Current Mood: sick